From the pages of: by Gordon A. Kessler C) Word Choices. Word choices are extremely important. Often, people from different parts of the country, religions, races or upbringings will have different connotations for some of the same words. Take care in ensuring your word choices are not abstract, generic, used for an obscure meaning of the word or even be archaic. (1) Tone Setting. Tone setting words are very effective tools for the writer; however, when used unintentionally they can create quite an opposite effect with the reader. If you describe a character who loves his home and childhood, being raised in the bowels of the Appalachian Mountains, your reader might not understand that this character is proud of his home and has cherished memories of his boyhood. How about making his upbringing be in the heart of the Appalachians where the summer valleys are plush and green and the clear mountain streams are alive with trout? These tone-setting words are especially useful to put the reader into the intended mood of the story. They help characterize the POV character through interesting internalization and introspection by the way she considers and relates to the world around her. This notion is examined further in section 2.7e) Thought. (2) Abstract and Stock vs. Specific and Concrete Terms. The use of specificity in descriptions helps to ground your story in realism. These descriptions conjure familiar images in the readers’ heads and shift them smoothly into a believable fictional world. Stories without this kind of specificity and concreteness are like looking from behind a Hollywood movie set where you can see the boards propping up the scenery. Even in an unfamiliar setting, using specific article names and concrete terms will help the reader see these places you take her to as real. Describing the unfamiliar through familiar shapes, colors, movements, smells, tastes and textures provide verisimilitude to readers who are willing to step into the fictional world you’ve created between the pages. Here’s an example excerpt taken from my novel Dead Reckoning:
At sunset Spurs stood alone on the signal deck and watched as a tinny, prerecorded version of Taps sounded, and the sun dipped into the darkening sea. The Atchison’s stem plunged into the turquoise ocean before her and cut through, laying it open in white slices that curled away from the bow and sizzled past the hull. The frigate’s screws churned in a rhythmic hum as she gazed past the bow to the last quenching gold and white rays of sunlight. On the horizon off the starboard side, the blackening silhouette of the Enterprise was pinned against a dimming sapphire mantle. She smiled, the sea-freshened air in her hair, light ocean spray on her face. This was the ecstasy her father had spoken about-the solitude, the wonderful emptiness that filled the soul, stretching it to the point of bursting with an awe-inspiring realization of insignificance in the enormity of the world.
Hopefully, this narration allows the reader to imagine what the POV character sees and is experiencing even though the reader might not have ever been on a ship. One of the biggest concerns most beginning novelists have about specificity is to avoid getting sued by some mega corporation for using their product name. If you feel uncomfortable with this, don’t do it. Otherwise, the key is to not defame or show in a negative light the brand-name product your story characters are using or that you are depicting in your story. That’s not to say you can’t have one of your characters drive an old, beat-up Ford, Chevy or Dodge. That Ford, Chevy or Dodge isn’t beat up because that’s the way they were manufactured, but from years of abuse-and they’re common; we’ve all seen them on the street. (3) Economy of Words. Another rule of thumb few writing instructors, agents and editors will argue with is that the writer should say what needs to be said in as few words as possible-avoid wordiness. This is a value judgment when considering descriptions and relating important information. But this notion is especially important when writing simple exposition andthe narration of needed story elements. Following, you will find some examples of wordy phrases.
Unnecessary Words and Redundancies (the words in parentheses could be stricken) (a/an)-sometimes unnecessary add/combine/link/mix/weave (together) (added) bonus (advanced) warning (advanced) planning all (of) audible (to the ear) (began/started to)-often unnecessary blinked/frowned/squinted/winked (his/her eyes) by (means of) (close) proximity consensus (of opinion) (dead) corpse (deadly) killer/murderer/sniper disappear (from sight) Easter (Sunday) (end) result (excess) (waste)-use one or the other (fatal) death/drowning/murder/suicide few/many (in number) (first) discovered/introduced/began flew (through the air) followed (behind) free (of charge/gift) (fully) comprehensive funeral (service) the guy/man/woman (who was/is) (had been)-usually unnecessary (had the appearance of) looked like hung up (the phone) invisible/visible (to the eye) (it is)-often unnecessary (Jewish) rabbi (just)-usually unnecessary large/small (in size) lead/led (in front of) leaning (up) against-or on (located) in (mass) exodus/extinction/genocide (mental) telepathy nodded (his head/yes) nodded (in agreement) (old) relic parked (the car) (past/previous) experience/history plan (of action) (positively) sure (preliminary) draft punched (with his fist) rain (down) reason (why) red (in color) reiterate (again) (remaining) vestige (safe) haven/sanctuary (sat there)-usually unnecessary (stood there)-usually unnecessary shook his head (no) shrugged (his shoulders) sailed (on the ocean/sea/water) if a boat spin (in circles) (that)-often unnecessary (the fact that)-usually unnecessary (the sound of)-as in “. . . breaking glass” often unnecessary in narration (there is/are)-often unnecessary thought (to him/herself) (two) opposites (was)-often unnecessary, and passive, consider rewording sentence in more active manner (went into) entered wrote (down) (she/he heard/saw)-often unnecessary in POV narration
(4) Active vs. Passive. Active verbs and sentences (active voice) are essential to a clear, fast-moving story. Using more precise verbs instead of adverbial phrases and modifiers is the first step. The “killer to be verb” should always be scrutinized, that is: any form of the verb be when used in your story, should be carefully considered. Of course, the forms of to be are is, are, am, was, were, had been, have been, and will be. But don’t get carried away with stomping out all of the be’s. If you can’t replace a to be verb without making your sentence sound forced, don’t do it. Your sentences must flow smoothly and naturally so that the prose doesn’t attract attention to itself, while your story does. In an active sentence the subject acts, performing the action expressed by the verb. In a passive sentence the subject is acted upon, being the receiver of the action expressed by the verb. For example:
Passive: The burglar (subject) was arrested (action) by the rookie cop (actor). Passive: The burglar (subject) was arrested (action). Active: The rookie cop (subject) arrested (action) the burglar (object of action).
This is another time for you not to get carried away with sentence revision. There are times when the object of the action is important and the actor of the action doesn’t matter or is unknown. Generic verbs are action words that are vague and allow for considerable interpretation by the reader. Sometimes they work well for the purpose of describing a non-dramatic action taking place that should not draw attention. However, overuse or repetition of these words becomes boring and might imply lazy writing. Three of the most overused words in beginning novelists’ stories are looked, walked and ran. In most cases, whenever a more descriptive and precise verb for a perceived action is available, use it-sprinted, jogged or raced for ran; gazed, glared, stared for looked; and stepped, sauntered, strode, strolled, ambled, marched or even moved or went for walked. But always be careful that the replacement of such a verb, perhaps to avoid repetition in adjoining sentences, does not appear forced or stilted. Beginning novelists sometimes try much too hard in the wrong places to avoid forced prose and to not use the same words repetitively. A particularly troubling example is in the use of dialogue tags. They replace with a vengeance the words said and asked with tags that sometimes are perceived as sore-thumb, stilted words such as interjected, conveyed and queried. Said and asked are considered invisible to the reader and are only used to help tag the character that the dialogue is attributed to. Some less-distracting replacements are okay on occasion, e.g. replied, answered, teased and suggested-however, the writer, when using these more distracting tags needs to remember the purpose of dialogue tags-to name the speaker or how the words are spoken, when necessary. In many cases, if you’ve done a good job on your dialogue you won’t need many dialogue tags at all.
Rule: Avoid using passive voice at all cost (stomp out the “killer be!”).
Exception: Mike McQuay’s opening of Escape from New York, in which he describes the rough-tough protagonist with passive verb metaphors. The effect is a clear, dramatic and immediate understanding of the character described.
Who should attempt breaking this rule: You, once you understand the rules.
(5) Misused Words. Words are misused continually by your friends, coworkers, family and the public you meet on the street. You hear the butchery of the English language every day in movies, on TV shows, in songs, even by professional newscasters. You see it in letters, novels and even in textbooks. Sew, whose two tell yew your wrong? Let’s take a look at a few examples. You know the meanings of the following words (if you don’t, this might be a good time to look them up), but while you were on autopilot trying to get the image in your head onto paper before it vanished forever, did you type the intended word’s homonymor one that sounds similar by mistake? Check and see. Word intended Word used mistakenly Word intended Word used mistakenly
The following are homonyms, words with the same pronunciation but different meanings and spellings. See if you recognize a few of the ones you commonly misuse. Intended word Homonym Intended word Homonym aide aid pi pie bough bow pore pour/poor break brake purr per callous callus quire choir cannon canon rein rain canvas canvass rime rhyme capitol capital ring wring censor censer rot wrought cession session sane seine chord cord seem seam complement compliment seen scene council counsel sheer shear course coarse sit cit cue queue sot sought deer dear soul sole discrete discreet stile style duel dual taut taught/tot foreword forward tee tea fourth forth thyme time grisly grizzly throne thrown here hear vain vane its it’s ware wear led lead whoa woe meet meat way weigh naughty knotty wry rye need knead pain pane passed past peer pier peal peel
Having seen these lists, use them when you’re giving your manuscript that final edit before printing it off to be sent to a prospective editor or agent. It only takes a few minutes to do a word search for some of the preceding words to ensure you’ve used them properly. Another misuse to watch out for concerns the subjunctive mood. For the most part, this is when the verb were is used instead of was in a clause that is contrary to fact. With this old rule being ignored often in fiction and informal writing, I believe the main thing here is to be consistent. For a detailed overview of subjunctive mood look in the lexicon in the back of this book. (6) Common Grammatical Errors. The incorrect use of irregular verb tenses is one of the most common grammatical mistakes. Some of the most frequent are:
Present tense(clarification) Past tense Past participle begin began (have, has or had) begun come came (" " ") come dive dived/dove (" " ") dived drag dragged (" " ") dragged drink drank (" " ") drunk hang (an object) h ung (" " ") hung hang (a person) hanged (" " ") hanged lay (to place) laid (" " ") laid lie (to recline) lay (" " ") lain plead pled (" " ") pleaded run ran (" " ") run sink sank/sunk (" " ") sunk slay slew (" " ") slain speed sped (" " ") sped spring sprang/sprung (" " ") sprung swim swam (" " ") swum tear tore (" " ") torn wake waked/woke (" " ") waked/woke/woke
The rule for the use of italics is often misunderstood. First things first, in a novel manuscript consider underlining the object word(s) instead of using italics when mailing your manuscript to an editor or agent. This is an old rule from before word processors and computers, when writers used typewriters without italic keys. Still, some writers find it wise to adhere to this rule. In the old days, the typewritten underlined words indicated clearly to the typesetter that those words should be italicized when put into published form. Even today, a few copyeditors work from a hard copyof the manuscript rather than a word processing file. In this case, especially, it is easier for the copyeditor to notice your underlined words to be italicized than it is for him to spot the italicized ones and transpose them onto the published page. If you're sending your manuscript as an attachment with an email, or submitting to an online or Internet publisher, you should probably go ahead and use italics and not underline, because they're dealing directly with the electronic version of your manuscript. But don’t forget that any requirements made in the submission guidelines of the publisher or agency you’re querying supersedes what you find in this book. Some of the words that should be italicized or underlined to indicate italicization in your manuscript are direct internalization, titles of books, names of ships, sometimes when referring to a word as a word, foreign words, spelling out a sound or onomatopoeia, and words needing emphasis. I don’t recommend for you to indicate emphasis by settingwords in bold or all caps when writing a novelmanuscript. (7) Commonly Misspelled Words. There are a number of words that are commonly misspelled, and your spellchecker might not pick up on them because they are becoming acceptable due to continual and widespread error. Although the incorrect spelling might, at some point in the future, become acceptable, why take the chance when you’ve finally gotten your pristine, fast-paced suspensenovel in front of an editor who likes your story idea? Here are some examples:
Misspelled Correct spelling alright (becoming accepted due to misuse) all right alot a lot heighth height
Getting the Words Right by Theodore A. Rees Cheney is an excellent book to help writers in rewriting, editing and revising their stories. ###
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